A Melancholy Joy
by Girls' Wings
Summary: "Am I in love with him? Yes. Am I in lust with him? Maybe . . . Is he in love with me? I don't know. Is he in lust with me? Probably . . ." A fluff of Inuyasha and Kagome.


_She was… I sat down on the stairs that I had been lingering at. I could hear it all, even at the very bottom of the steps. That guy… that guy had Kagome in a way I never did and… and he got her… pregnant? What do I do now? _

_Damn it all to hell and back . . ._

"Kagome! Dinner!"

"Okay!" I drop my laptop on my pink duvet as I head out the door, leaving the story until later. It was actually a pretty interesting fanfic. Since the tale of me and Inuyasha was—as far as anyone in the present was concerned—just an old tale of star-crossed lovers. I was only in the third chapter and I had already comprehended: A) It took place six years after defeating Naraku and the closing of the well, B) The well had remained closed for six years until the present when, C) Inuyasha had finally been able to travel through to the 21st century to see Kagome (me) who, D) Had promised her dying grandfather to go to Kyoto University and forget about the past where, E) She had met Isao, a boy that looked exactly like the New Moon Inuyasha, F) He got her pregnant and was planning to marry her and Kagome had agreed, and finally G) Inuyasha had come back for her right in the middle of all of this.

'_Damn it all to hell and back'_, indeed.

It's really sad when I'm so lonely, I read fanfics about _our_ love. "Kagome? Will you call Souta on his cell phone and remind him that he was supposed to be home at 6:30?"

I glance at the clock, pulling my own pink, rhinestone-studded cell phone, browsing for his number as I call, "Sure." The stupid call goes straight to voicemail, where I leave a-nice-enough message, my stomach growling obnoxiously through the whole thing. I hang up after telling him to get on home and then I hear the voices: Souta and his friend Hakuto.

Hakuto is Hojo's little brother, who had showed the same interest in me the first time he saw me, just like his brother. The difference is A) I liked Hojo in elementary school, but then we came to junior high and didn't have any classes together—and of course, this year, I met Inuyasha, and, well, we _all_ know what happened there, and B) Hakuto is the same grade as Souta, fourth, so the poor kid was just like another brother to me.

I step out onto the porch, leaning over the rail as I call to Souta, "Would it kill you to find the back to your phone?"

Souta looks up and shrugs, patting Hakuto on the back as the boy heads off for home. "The battery fell out in my pocket again. Sorry Sis."

We're heading into the kitchen now. "Don't apologize to me, little brother. Apologize to your mother. You promised her you'd be back by 6:30. It's 6:45."

"Don't scold him, Kagome." My grandpa comes waddling in, smelling the air like Inuyasha does when he caught scent of the ramen. "He's back, isn't he? Besides, Ami isn't even finished, but she better be soon. I'm hungry."

"It would go by a lot faster if you'd help her/me." Mom had pushed through the door and we say it at the same time.

"The only reason I wasn't is because she told me to go enjoy some of the time I have with my laptop." I snap. "Oh, by the way, Mom, I found another story. You want me to email it to you later?"

"Yes, thank you, Kagome. Go shower, Souta," Mom said, smiling. "By the time you're down, I'll have the table set and food out."

As Souta tramples up the stairs, I ask, "Whadaya mean you? I'll help."

"Actually, there's a package out by the Sacred Tree I need you to retrieve. Grandpa will set the table." I tilt my head in question, as I always do when I'm confused, but I shrug and go when Mom smiles and then hands the plates to a whiney Grandpa.

_What could possibly be at the tree?_ I don't know, but I go anyway, just liking the feel of the memories rushing through my veins.

When I reach the tree, I place my hand in the center of the indentation, where Inuyasha and I had first met. God, I miss him. All the time. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to come back and go to school; or I wish the others could come here so I could introduce the family here to my family there. (I'm not so sure my mother would be thrilled with Miroku's . . . tendencies . . . but I know she'd be happy to know Sango has a good hold on his lechery.)

Either way, it's impossible, so I'm just wasting my time, wishing for such things. It can't happen. Whatever. At least the well hasn't closed, like the story everyone else here knows about. That's really what I'm thankful for.

Suddenly something starts to wrap around my waist, which makes my spin around and squeak with surprise. The laughter is instant in the golden orbs, the orbs that make my heart skip and make me forget how to breathe. "Inuyasha . . ."

"It's been a long time, Kagome." Inuyasha leans down and suckles on my neck, making a seductive moan escape my lips. "How dare you make me wait that long?"

"It's only been a week," I gasp out, my fingers instinctively clutching onto his fire-rat kimono. "It's not that long."

He growls and nips my neck. "You said you'd be back in three days."

I pull back, but my hands don't let go like I told them to. "I said no such thing! I said finals are next week and I had to come back home to study this week and take the stupid exams all next week."

His eyes narrow slightly as he looks over the top of my head at nothing in particular, pursuing his lips as if pondering for the comment. "Funny," the hanyou smirks down at me. He narrows the spare between our lips to mere millimeters as he finishes. "I don't seem to recall that."

My heart's racing by now, threatening to thrust out of my chest, and I know by the way his ear has perked up that he can hear it. He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, playing me. He knows I lust for his touch, his attention, and he loves teasing me when my pounding heart freezes me like this.

Suddenly I hear the pounding of his heart, something I'd never thought I'd be able to do. Thousands of questions rush through my head, flying by too fast for me to answer any of them. _Is he as nervous as I am? Does he want the same thing I do? Does he lust for my touch and my attention the way I do his? Does he love me?_

Everything seems to stop as that question burst into my mind. I know, to the deepest cavern of my soul and back that I am uncontrollably and irrationally in love with him.

But is he?

Is he in love with me?

Or is he in lust with me?

That last question makes me rethink everything I've ever thought.

Am I in love with him? Yes.

Am I in lust with him? Maybe . . .

Is he in love with me? I don't know.

Is he in lust with me? Probably . . .

He's a demon, after all. Half-demon, but still. Demon blood runs through his veins. Demon lust runs through his veins . . .

His hand suddenly slides down my side and to the bottom of my shirt, allowing his finger tips to slide under the edge of the shirt as a wind pushes it out of the way. Suddenly I'm back to reality. Suddenly I'm letting my subconscious store these haunting questions until tonight's sleep where nightmares would form. Suddenly I didn't care about having nightmares about Inuyasha, about our love. Suddenly all I wanted to do is prove to him just how bull-headed I can be. I suppose I truly am a Taurus.

Before I let him comprehend that I can move, I flip our position, backing him up into the tree. He lets out a groan of surprise as I raise an eyebrow at him, challenging him to make his first move in this seductive game we've just accidently created.

Inuyasha snatches me off the ground and flings me over his shoulder. "Oof! Inuyasha!" I snap. "Put me down!" I can't keep the laugh out of my voice because I know, soon enough, we'll arrive at our destination.

And we do. Moments later, I'm backed up against the inner wall of the well shrine and he's nipping and lapping at my neck again.

His dog-like tendencies drive me crazy.

"I-nu—" I can't even finish, half because it feels so good as he teases a sensitive spot and half because I don't want him to win.

I raise my hands up to his two white peaks perking up on his head, loving the velvety feel of them. He moans deeply, his warm breathe tickling my neck as I giggle. "Looks like I've found a soft spot."

He grips my hands together with one of his and holds them above my head in an instant. "That's not fair."

_That's not fair, huh? Well if that's not fair . . ._ "Then neither is nipping my sensitive spot." I take away his favorite thing, knowing it will go my way.

He growls and narrows his eyes, as if I'm his prey. I enjoy the feeling. That is, up until I see the purple streaks fading into few on his upper cheekbones. "I-Inuyasha!" I gasp, suddenly struggling against his grasp, which gets instantly stronger, dangerously close to cutting off my circulation.

His eyes peer into mine, which now are unsure with fear. I hated this feeling. Always have. To be scared of the one you love, the worst kind of pain. "Inuyasha!"

I remember the first time he'd dropped the Tetsusaiga, the first time he'd become like this, the first time his demonic powers started to take control of him. I remember my reaction: the fear, the instant instinct. "Sit boy!"

There's no scared sound coming from Inuyasha's throat. There's no glow. There's no magyc. There's no THUD! There's no ticked-off comeback from the hanyou. But most of all, there's no hanyou at all. Just a demon that looks like the hanyou I love. I no longer have any control over him.

Tears form in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks. "Inuyasha!"

I force my lips onto his. Hard. In that instant I had remembered the only thing that had broken Kaguya's spell. Then I had only barely pressed my lips to his, but then he was still unsure of what he wanted: youkai or hanyou. Now I had feared that he had chosen youkai, instead of the hard-headed hanyou I love.

I'm just about to pull away when I feel the grip on my wrists lessen slightly, the hand gripping my hip slide around to my back and pull me into him as the other tangles itself in my hair, my newly-freed hands gripping onto the kimono, and the lips of the man I love separate and mold with mine. I have to pull myself into him harder so my heart doesn't rip out of me. The hanyou gets the message and pushes me back up against the wall with his body, both his hands and lips too busy with their own things.

Being human, I have to pull back for air sooner than he, but this time, he seems just as exhausted. "I-Inuyasha?" I whimper slightly, having noticed the purple streaks still on his face.

"I'm alright. See? They're fading." I glance back up at his cheeks, relieved to see the marks almost gone. I breathe again, looking down at my still kimono-clutching hands. "Kagome?"

I shoot my chocolate brown eyes back up to his golden ones. I tilt my head in curiosity and concern. He'd said my name as if he was going to abandon me again, just because he was worried for my safety. "If you leave me, I'll never forgive you." I mumble, looking away, not really expecting him to hear it.

"Kagome, what the hell do you want me to do?" He lets go of me completely and turns away, ripping the warm cloak from my grasp, walking a few steps so the shadows half consume him. It felt as if he'd ripped the skin right off my hand. "If I stay here, I could really hurt you. I could even kill you."

A gentle sound escapes my throat as a calming but sad smile creeps slightly onto my lips. I walk over to him and place my hand in his, which he raises to his mouth with both hands and rests it against his lips, kissing it softly. "That's okay by me." I whisper and smile a little more when shocked eyes meet mine. "If the one to kill me was you, it's okay."

"Dammit! No it's not!" He starts to visibly shake, something he's never done, never shown sadness or fear, not even to me. "If I lost you, by my hand no less, I don't know what I'd do!"

He looks down, hiding his eyes from me behind his bangs. I reach up with my un-grasped hand and rest it on his cheek, making him jump and look at my sad smile. "I want you to know that I wouldn't leave you. Even if I _was_ dead." I slip my hand down his neck, collarbone, and over his heart, where I stop and press. "I'd be right there. With you forever."

"But not to be able to touch you, see you, hear you, smell you . . . it's too unbearable to even think about!" Inuyasha's voice cracks and I know he's on the verge of a breakdown.

"Then don't," I pull myself into him again, silently begging him to hold me close and never let me go. He holds me tightly to him. "Think about the now, this moment."

He doesn't seem like he's completely made up his decision, but he also doesn't pull away when I kiss him again. It's like the ability to touch me makes his instincts go into overdrive, but not completely enough to turn him into a demon. I love the power I have over him. He nips slightly on my bottom lip, asking for an entrance. I smile against his lips, and then pull away, all the way so I'm standing a couple steps away. Inuyasha takes a step towards me, concern on his face. "Ka-Kagome . . . Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?"

I smile wider and shake my head. "Why are you so silent, Kagome?"

I hold up three fingers, two, one: "Sis?"

Souta bursts through the door, panting. "I thought Mom told you to go to the tree!" My brother was leaning over so he didn't see Inuyasha, but then he stands up. "Din—Inuyasha!"

"Hey there, Souta. How's it going?" Inuyasha raises an eyebrow and smirks at me as he passes on his way up and out of the shrine. His smirk tells me I'm not getting away from him forever.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Are you staying for dinner, Inuyasha?" Souta asks the hanyou, who are both a couple steps ahead of me.

"Yeah, I think."

The boys continue walking and catching up while I turn back towards the Sacred Tree. Climbing inside the fence, I reach up to the mark again. I could feel Sango and the others over there. An image manifests itself across the front of my eyes, one only I can see. Sango and a couple of village girls gathering flowers in a meadow, Miroku flirting with the girls' mothers (shocker!), and Kirara and Shippo playing with the cat toys I'd given the demon cat. Kaede was off in the woods gathering what looked like white mint.

I smile. Seeing the others while I'm here has always reassured me, while I was sick especially. Inuyasha had said that Sango thought Miroku had gone all the way with one of the village ladies, and the trip back to the 21st century had been hard enough on my body in the first place, so I couldn't go back and check up on her. The connection with the tree showed me that Sango was taking it rather well, even when she was alone or only with Kirara. She was just in a ticked-off mood for a couple days when the whole issue was cleared up. It had turned out Miroku had disappeared with one of the village ladies, yes, but to go visit his uncle, and the lady was apparently once a servant of his (I asked the woman when I got back and she clarified the monk's story, so I had no choice but to side against Sango on that one, though I wouldn't put it past the womanizer to pay her to keep her mouth shut.)

I sigh at the memory. Removing my hand, I drop it to my chest, where I pull a little silver chain with a heart-shaped locket out from under my shirt. I open the tiny locket and stare at the pictures of the hanyou, my hanyou.

Inuyasha didn't know I had taken them. I was actually bathing with Sango and Shippo at the time. I had stuck my camera in my pocket from when I was at school and had forgotten to take it out. I had seen its glint in the starlight, and I had a perfect view of Inuyasha from under the bushes. In the picture on the right, he's gazing off into space with a gently look on his face, the Tetsusaiga in his lap, his hair appearing silvery-gold in the firelight. In the picture on the left, he was in his human form, standing, gazing off a cliff. He looks gentle in that picture too. "Whatcha got there?"

I jump in surprise, looking over my shoulder as I slam the locket shut by closing my fist around it and tucking it back under my shirt. He's the last person I need to know I have pictures of him in a heart-shaped locket that I hide next to my heart. "Nothing."

"There's something in your hands," the hanyou comes over the fence and reaches for my hands. He exams them as if I stuck it up under my skin. "I thought I saw a glint."

I push my left sleeve up, revealing my watch, the face on the inner side of my wrist. "You probably saw my watch." I twist my wrist so it glitters slightly in the sun.

"You're going to miss the food." Inuyasha's eyes search mine with half-masked concern. "Aren't you hungry?"

I shrug. "Not really, but I'll come in anyway." We start to walk back.

"Are you feeling alright?" I look at him and tilt my head, wondering when he got so gentle. Usually he'd have said, _'You snooze, you lose!' _and I would've sat him into next week. I let it go though.

"Yeah, just tired and worried about how everything is going with the o—Shoot!" I turn and sprint as I remember who I forgot to check on. Leaping over the fence, I touch back to the mark and search around for him. After a moment, I find him, picking flowers in a meadow, just like his sister. Pulling my hand off the tree and starting to walk back to a majorly-confused hanyou, I can't help but wonder who those flowers were for. I know Kohaku doesn't like picking Sango's flowers because it makes his gut hurt as the memories try to resurface. I can't help but hope they are for Kanna, the silent incarnation of Naraku. Kohaku had showed up at one of the hot springs I was bathing in one of the nights Sango had gone back to her village. He came to me to ask about how his sister was (yeah, apparently he remembered she was his sister), and what I thought she would tell him to do in this kind of situation: Kohaku was falling for Kanna. Hard.

"Kagome!"

I jump about five feet in the air when I hear Inuyasha's panicked tone. "What?"

"What is the matter with you?" It wasn't just me. Inuyasha really does sound like he's panicking. "First you don't want to eat! Then you run off! And now you come back all spaced! What's goin' on?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine. Just checking on our friends."

Inuyasha's ears twitch in curiosity. "What?"

I smile at him, pausing to glance back at the Sacred Tree. "Do you remember when I"—I force the lump of guilt down in a hard swallow—"when I shot you? We saw each other through the tree?"

He takes a step towards me, his hands strong against my shaking figure. "Of course, I do. Seeing you like that scared the hell out of me. I thought you were going to collapse."

I feel the breath hitch in my throat, but I force myself to keep it even. Inuyasha runs his claws through my hair gently, stopping as he pushes some of my bangs back. I let my head lean against his strong hand.

"There's still a connection there."

My hanyou moves his hand away at the comment, causing my eyes to reopen after drifting shut. Those golden orbs ask for him.

"I can feel everyone on the other side. I can see how they're doing, where they are. I can even see Kohaku. Whenever I'm lonely, I just listen for all of you. I stand at the tree feeling my friends close. It's a melancholy happiness. I'm at calm, glad you're all alive and well, but it brings sad thoughts, like…like what am I going to do once all the shards are collected? I won't be needed any more. The only reason I go to the feudal era is to defeat Naraku, but when that's done, what use is the well? What's the point of me ever returning?—

Warm lips cut me off. I melt away into his kiss, allowing him access to explore me. His arms wrap around me, holding me close, his ministrations urgent but secure. He knows what he wants, and so do I, but…what would happen after our duties are done?

Will I ever see Inuyasha again?

Something wet streaks down my cheek, causing my hanyou to pull back. He wipes the tear away, kissing the wetness away. His lips brush against my cheekbone, down my jaw, along the length of my neck to the spot where it connects to my shoulder. Loving the feeling, I lock my arms around his neck, throwing my head back to allow him better access.

Without warning, Inuyasha bites onto my skin, a whimper escaping my lips, morphing quickly into a moan as he begins his suckling. My eyes press shut at the mixture of feeling his movement gives me. I can feel the sting of pain, but all I want is to give him more of me. Something within me knows the possession raking through his veins is dangerous, but I can't let it go. I need to give him more. Clutching tighter as he bites down again, I yank myself closer to his body, his arms helping quite a bit with that action. Still working on that spot, his claws graze the hollow of my back, sparking a gasp. The moment it escapes, his lips swallow the sound, the two of us locked in a hot kiss once again.

I'm suddenly quite aware of the ache on my neck, but I can't push him away.

Finally, he pulls away, leaving me in a panting mess, eyes glazed over in pleasure. He kisses my forehead to bring me back to reality, but it's really what he says next that drops me into reality.

"You're mine and I'm never leaving you. You say you won't be needed after Naraku is dead, but you and I both know that's a lie. _I_ need you. I always will. Do you know why, Kagome?"

I shake my head, afraid to answer incorrectly.

His lips press against mine once more before he answers, his lips brushing mine with each word.

"I love you, Kagome Higurashi."

I nearly drop to the ground, but somehow find the strength to leap on him, wrapping my legs around his waist, tears streaking my cheeks once more, this time in pure joy.

"I love you too, Inuyasha Takahashi. I want to stay by you. Please let me stay with you."

He kisses me once more, this as gentle and rich as our first kiss in Kaguya's castle, one where we can feel every drop of the other's love for us. I can't help but open myself completely to him, moaning as he begins his suckling, my tongue pulsing my heartbeat in his mouth. He holds me tight, tighter than ever before, as he pulls back to gently kiss the love bite on my neck. His tongue soothes the pain, leaving a chilled wetness as his lips travel the length of my neck to my ear.

"I want you to stay."

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**Athey-Vee (aka Girls' Wings): Hope everyone enjoyed this. I actually stole this from a story I started at one point and got writer's block, so I turned it into a fluff. Please let me know how it was, and perhaps I'll try to write another at some point (probably when I'm bored in math class). R&R, please! And thank you for supporting my slow typing. ;)**


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